My theory, as most do, simply began as an observation, sparked by an annoyance.
Driving Metrpolex freeways - mainly 75 south from Collin County toward Dallas - I began noticing more and more a certain type of vehicle causing me the most anxiety. The white pickup.
Had to be a couple of coincidences, but nothing more. Right?
Wrong. White trucks riding cars' bumpers, the drivers regularly pounding on their steering wheels for traffic to part for their apparently more important path. White trucks dangerously swerving in and out of congestion, often illegally using the shoulder as their personal passing lane. White trucks, manned by a single driver, arrogantly using the HOV lane
I hatched my White Truck Theory after a drive on the George Bush Tollway in 2008.
(continued from page 1)
I am in the left lane, going 77 mph in a 65. Flying up behind me I see a white pickup so, even though I'm going already well over the speed limit, I attempt to change lanes to the right. At the same time, however, the white truck speeds to his right to pass and, therefore, almost rear-ends me. As I swerve back to the left to avoid contact, the white truck driver (with, of course, the trademark cap and facial hair) zips by on the right - stopping to flip me off and throw an empty beer toward my car.
And thus it was born:
The driver of the white pickup is the most aggressive, obnoxious and dangerous on the road, because he drives with a chip on his shoulder from the burden of being behind the wheel of the most basic, generic and soulless vehicle in existence.
White bread is tasteless. White paint? Boring. White people dancing? Goofy. White T-shirts? Cheapo. White wine? It's yellowish for crying out loud. White lies? Shame, shame.
White trucks? Run for your life!
I'll devote this White Truck Wednesday space each week to traffic, cars and, of course, all things white truck:
*A driver slams into a Fort Worth home,
in a white truck.
*In Denison a man steals an ATM machine,
with a white truck.
Drive friendly!
This was one of my favorite segments on RAGE!!! In glad to see it on here. Keep up the good work Richie.
ReplyDeleteAh a reminder of another thing from RAGE that wasn't funny.
ReplyDeleteAnd yet you take the time...
DeleteThis is the point at which you went from obnoxious to an immediate tune-out for me. Don't forget your theory that people who drive white trucks choose them because they're broke and white trucks are cheaper, because the paint costs less. Remember that half-baked brilliance?
ReplyDeleteI'm sure your car is Chameleon teel with a snakeskin pattern or maybe solid chrome. Whatever it is, it's probably way more kickass than those of us who simply like the color white.
p1roundtable.blogspot.com
Nobody likes a pigeon who just flies in, shits on everything, and leaves. Pigeon shit is white by the way.
DeleteEspecially a pigeon that flys in, shits on everything, plugs his own very boring blog, and leaves.
DeleteIt is kind of boring. I might quit it and stick with my job. I'm good at that, therefore I still have it.
DeleteHahahaha....
ReplyDeleteDamn that's funny....
White shirts = cheapo.....
Priceless.
So we go from the Mavs radio story to this? Yep, the old Observer Sportatorium is back. From interesting to crap in 2.4 seconds.....
ReplyDeleteLet the nut kicking commence....
I remember Jr Miller doing a segment about white trucks in 2004.
ReplyDeleteFor being such a gifted writer and media mainstay, you sure do have a number of Keyboard Cowboys talking shit to you. Wow.
ReplyDelete