Okay, let me get this straight: Yoenis Cespedes didn't make baseball's All-Star Game and hasn't hit a home run for the Oakland A's since June 21, but last night he walloped 32 dingers to win the 2013 All-Star Home Run Derby?
Yeah, totally makes sense.
But, come to think of it, lots of things about sports are nonsensical. Josh Brent still being a Cowboy. Rex Ryan running with the bulls in Spain. Mavs fans actually thinking they're going to finally hook a big fish. And tonight, when baseball will decide something as important as home-field advantage for the World Series via something as insignificant as an exhibition game.
That's right, since 1980 25 of the 32 World Series champs had the benefit of home-field advantage and again it will "awarded" to the team that plays in the league that wins tonight's All-Star Game.
Baseball, of course, isn't alone with its stupidity. There are inexplicable, asinine rules throughout sports, and it just so happens that I'm in the mood to identify the Top 10, and then fix them ...
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10.
Tennis Scoring – Look, I love this sport. To watch and to play. But a
system in which zero is Love and the points in a game are counted by 15, 30 and
then 40 and then “deuce” is just insane. From
now on: To win a game in tennis you have to win four points – counted
1-2-3-4 – and you have to win by two. Sorry, Love is overrated.
9.
Designated Hitter – A baseball game without pitchers hitting is like a
steak dinner, with no sides. Just meat, no strategy. No reason pitchers can’t
spend one of their four off days between starts working on at least being a .237
hitter. Imagine if Dirk Nowitzki only played offense for the Mavs? From now on: AL plays by the same rules as the NL. If you’re not in
good enough physical condition to play in the field, get your ass in shape or get on to your next career.
Right, Albert Pujols?
8.
Draft Order – Much ado about our government’s so-called “socialism” with
the haves propping up the have-nots. Why do we stand for it in sports? The
spoils of success should include a higher draft pick, not a lower one. In our existing system, we’re actually rewarding failure. As a kid it’s always
make-it-take-it and “losers walk,” not vice-versa. From now on: A championship in a pro league comes with a trophy, a
parade and next year’s No. 1 draft pick. Screw you, parity.
7.
Points For a Loss – C’mon hockey. You know better. Under your rules NBA and
NFL teams would get 1/3rd of a win for merely being tied after
regulation. From now on: Hockey has
a winner every night. If overtimes take too long, see and implement No. 2.
6.
Illegal Contact – Yeah, I get it. A defensive back shouldn’t significantly
impede the progress of a receiver in the secondary. But the problem is the
punishment is too penal. A 5-yard penalty should never equal an automatic first
down. From now on: Illegal
contact/interference penalties are neither spot fouls nor automatic first
downs. Take the spot of the penalty, get the number of yards the foul occurred
from the line of scrimmage and then half that total. There’s your penalty
yardage.
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5.
Extra Points – It’s the most automatic, predictable and mundane play in all
of sports. A team drives 80 yards with an efficient, rugged combo of running,
passing, blocking and shrewd play-calling. Then, with all the ease of pulling
the level on your recliner, a guy who’s rarely on the field comes out and
non-chalantly scores 1/6th as many points as the preceding drive. Using merely one foot. From now on: Football teams must go for
two points after every touchdown. And while we’re at it, how about
exterminating kickers altogether? Teams have four downs to make 10 yards or
else they give the ball to the defense. Sorry, FOOTball is overrated.
4.
Baseball Managers in Uniforms – Imagine how silly it would look for Rick
Carlisle to be suited up in shorts or Jason Garrett to be wearing a helmet
during games. From now on: Managers
must wear at least business casual and, oh, they’re also strictly prohibited
from running onto the field to stop play while haplessly arguing a judgment
call. And, as for pitching changes, players run off the field to hear the coach
in the dugout, not vice-versa. Like in football and basketball. Duh.
3.
Possession Arrow – Not sure why we got rid of jump balls in the first
place, but whatever the reason it was a hideous one. Taking turns getting
awarded the ball on jump balls is short-sighted, shallow and unfair. Wichita
State was down three late to Louisville in last March's Final Four when a tie ball occurred and,
because the arrow pointed to the Cardinals, never got a chance to tie the game.
If human refs can’t handle tossing a ball straight up 5 feet, then we need
better refs. From now on: Tie balls
= Jump balls. And get to work pronto on a mechanical gizmo that hovers over
courts and perfectly drops basketballs in the middle of the two contesting
players.
2.
Offsides – Hear me out soccer and hockey. One of the most exciting plays in
sports is the football bomb to an open receiver and the basketball breakaway
dunk behind the defense. In hockey you can’t be in the offensive zone before
the puck and in soccer you can’t receive a pass unless a defender is at least
even with you. Imagine, no more Tony Romo deep passes to Dez Bryant – unless
he’s covered. And LeBron James has to slow down and wait for his point guard to
catch up on a fast break. From now on:
Soccer and hockey players can accept a pass whenever and wherever they want. I
know, what a concept.
1.
Coin Flip – We’ve got instant replay
and yellow lines and safer helmets and DVRs and a relatively sophisticated,
advanced society. But we can’t come up with anything better to break a tie than
something we resorted to as 6-year-olds? Coins should not play a part in
sports. Ever. In baseball the home team bats last. In basketball it’s a jump
ball. But in football it’s just left to chance … to “heads” or “tails”? From now on: The home team gets the
choice as to whether it wants the ball to start the game. And, in overtime, the team with
the most yards in that particular game gets the ball first. Until we change
coins out of sports, we’re all just Neanderthals watching an archaic hobby.
I pretty much agree with ALL of this, a shocker. With football, I'd let the visitors select since they're already at a disadvantage(unless they're playing in Cowboys Stadium)
ReplyDeleteCmon Richie. You mailing it in today? I liked this when you first did it 3 months ago on RAGE. Give me a reason to keep coming back here. Fair?
ReplyDeleteTouche' RW. St Louis was the damn wildcard in 2011 & got home-field adv in the Series, cuz Bud 'thinks' it provides more interest in the f'n all-star game! WOW, how the circumstances would've been different in that series...
ReplyDeleteWhy don't you go listen to Skin & see if he has anything worth hearing instead of being an obnoxious-anonymous-whiner on here?!
ReplyDeletePretty much agree with everything in this list as well. Also, glad to have the Sportatorium back...didn't really care for RAGE but I had missed the daily posts from back to the Observer days. Keep it up Richie.
ReplyDelete10. Don't care about tennins, don't give a flip.
ReplyDelete9. Other way around. Making a pithcer bat is one of the most archaic things out there. It's like forcing a hockey/soccer goalie to play offense. Nothing is more painful to watch in baseball than seeing a pitcher make a fool of himself at bat. The NL is th eonly baseball league in the world to still make them do it; get with the modern age.
8. Not bad, but I'm still in favor of just reworking the draft lottery so everyone gets an equal shot. But we agree that if even the concept of Team Tank can exist, there's something wrong.
7. Oh, we are so in agreement here.
6. Don't know enough about football to care.
5. Except fo rthis one. Yeah, go ahead and eliminate the only players who have actual skill and make the game absulotely nothing but abusive thugs who only know "Duh, I hit pepul til dey die cuz it fun." Smart.
4. Baseball has always had a club atmosphere. Why don't you ban fans from wearing jerseys as well?
3.When you'r ein the amateur ranks, an actual jump ball is worthless and you know it. They might as well just give the ball to the team with the tallest player.
2. It's a little more complex than that. But I do think offsides should be waived off if the ball has reached the goalie box.
1. Don't flipping care (See what I did?)
10. I don't really care about tennis so sure whatever.
ReplyDelete9.See above @Rowdy C could not have said it better myself.
8.If you give high picks to the best teams you will the same shitty teams year in and year out. Although the Cowboys..... maybe they should not even have a draft pick.
7.I don't really agree with this one but yes something else could be done one would think.
6. Sure I'll go along with that one.
5.Extra points are automatic huh???? This is not an extra point but it's from the exact same distance as one would be.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QVuQ5aw0HAQ Your point is invaild.
4.Does it really bother you that much that baseball managers wear uniforms??? I really don't think it's that big a deal and kind of cool really. As far as managers running on the field come on due their is not a time limit in baseball so that factors in Also I would argue that a good ole fashion manager ump heated "conversation" that ends with the manager getting tossed is pretty good entertainment.
3.I really don't watch enough hoops to have an opinion on this so I will defer to you.
2. On the basketball side on this see above on the hockey side of things I guess I can go with you sure.
1.Ok so on this one why not give each kicker three balls and decide open possession with that? They could do the challenge before the game and then show the results during a timeout or something. I'll go with you on the overtime thing.
- Storm_71
I agree with most of what you say on here. The point I have to contest is the #2. I like soccer and hockey more than the average person. I honestly think that in hockey the blue line is important because it is a strategy for how you have to play defense, it is what makes it a more difficult game. I am betting that because you are a basketball fan you feel that higher scoring makes the game more exciting. For me I like soccer and hockey because they are usually close games throughout. For both soccer and hockey it is all about timing, more like a chess game to get the correct chance to score a goal. When do i hit this puck over the blue line or can I play a ball in right as my forward is running past the defense offsides line. Soccer defense is a difficult position to play because you have to mark the forward for the other team to make sure they don't get a breakaway. Getting rid of it wouldn't change much other than making the sport more boring. There wouldn't even be a chance for breakaways because a team would always keep at least one defender back, there would be no advantage to having them further up. If you are trying to fix soccer and hockey to make it more interesting, I am not sure this is the answer.
ReplyDeleteWell said MKudlicki...I agree. Most think scoring is the only exciting play in hockey and that is way off base. A forward catching a well timed hip-check from a d-man, a great goalie save and the two on one (or break-away). Just having Ovechkin hanging beside the net all game is not much fun.
DeleteI agree with these points. Well written article.
ReplyDeleteSurprised there is so much support for #8 and the highest draft picks being given to the best teams. So everyone would be fine if the Miami Heat had back to back top #1 overall picks? Also, that'd mean no Troy Aikman, Russell Maryland, and very likely no Michael Irvin (drafted 11th overall) with the Cowboys. There wouldn't be a '90s Cowboys dynasty without the draft process the way it's setup.
ReplyDeleteAccurate and smart.
DeleteBill2455
BRILLIANT
ReplyDeleteabout #2, what about the offside in Football?
ReplyDelete