Top 10 Whitty Comments From Our Weekend Pool Party

   Take $650 worth of alcohol and 10 Pizza Buzz pizzas, add 50 fun folks and sprinkle with sunshine and a swimming pool and, voila, a pool party that gave us great memories and horrible headaches ...
   10. They say it ain't a party until something gets broken (check) and/or someone pukes (check). Sybil delicately hung these fancy paper lanterns in our trees and bushes to accent the mood, but they proved no match for a wild volleyball shot. And someone - you know who you are - got sick and apparently vomited while sprinting through our bedroom. On the carpet. On the bedspread. On the bathroom door. On the mirror. And on the bathroom floor. I could either be pissed ... or impressed.
   9. Thanks to Mallory Sims, who bartended her way to fame, fawning and (hopefully) a relative fortune. Every time any of us thought "I'm ready for another dr ..." there was Mallory with her big smile, tiny bikini and fresh drink. Hire her - @SimsMallory on Twitter - for your next party, wedding or Bar Mitzvah.

   8. At one point my elementary-school buddy JW gets a shard of glass in his foot. Sybil takes a flashlight and tweezers and begins to operate but can't dislodge the piece. So he's limping around complaining to his wife, who continues to tell him, "Let's worry about it tomorrow." The running joke became that every time JW began to talk we immediately interrupted with "Tomorrow!" It wasn't until after breakfast Sunday that he reported to getting the glass out.
   7. Someone says "Hey look it's PEEN, Incorporated!" and you're first reaction is "Porn? Already? It's only 5:30." Instead, we were treated to an organic uprising of a quartet of half synchronized swimmers/half Cirque du Soleil. Led by Sybil, PEEN - because they utilized two Noodles that were Pink and two that were Green - gave us a show that might set water aerobics back 10 years. But it was women. Dancing. And wet. So it couldn't have too bad.
   6. In this era of of Josh Brent and Aaron Hernandez, it's nice to be reminded there are professional athletes  who are great guys capable of making good decisions. Now, the fact that Dallas Cowboys' offensive lineman Tyron Smith hangs out with us scoundrels is iffy at best, but how did he commute to and from the party? Right, with his own private driver via a genius service called Uber. His only penalty of the night? Leaning his 300-plus pounds and breaking my bar. I'll add it to his tab.

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   5. As for the drunkest person at the party, it had to be - from what I'm told - me? Thanks to Captain Morgan Limited Edition I was likely over-served. Nothing too embarrassing, but Sybil did rescue me out of the hot tub at 1 a.m. The party started at 1 p.m.

   4. Nothing like sun 'n suds - not to mention Beer Pong using vodka lemonade - to forge an appetite, and when Pizza Buzz delivered (we're not officially open yet, just trying out the food on a test group) it was devoured within minutes. But the real winner was Sybil's Jello Shots. Refreshing. Delightful. And, yes, very effective. 120 of 'em ... poof, gone faster than David Blaine's assistants.
   3. In the aftermath we found four sunglasses, a pair of flip-flops, a hat, three T-shirts, a sundress, a skirt and an earring. And, oh yeah, enough trash to fill up six garbage bags, two regular trash bins and two recycling bins full of cans, bottles, etc.

   2. Babes in bikinis you expect. And you want. Bikini chicken fights in the pool. Sybil going to 7-Eleven in her bikini on an ice run. Yeah, love it. But, um, something appeared at the party that I've never seen before and hopefully will never see again: A dude, wearing only a furry bear head and silk tuxedo boxers. Not sure the circumstances of how this came about, but I am certain that Jasmine Sadry must be soooo proud of her boyfriend, Jake.
   1. 1 violently physical pool basketball game; 2 rings. During a rugged 2-on-2 game,  The Fan's Armen Williams and Mike Fisher engaged in a wrestling match that would've made Rick Mahorn and Bill Laimbeer cringe. Not sure who won the game - though the highlight was undoubtedly a Mark Elfenbein-to-Armen alley-oop - but somehow during the rumble Fish lost his wedding ring and Armen lost his Guns Up Tech graduation ring. Maybe we'll find them by the next party. July 4th anyone?

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