WHITT'S END: 8.30.13

      Whether you're at the end of your rope or merely the end of your week, welcome to Whitt's End

   *Sure, $765 million is a lot of money. But as the total price tag for 4,500 former NFL players complaining of life-altering concussion side effects? I always thought memories were priceless.

   *Looking for My Top 10 Whitty Observations from Thursday night's scintillating Cowboys' loss to the Texans? It's right over here on NBC's Blue Star Blog.

   *Love a lot of the Cowboys' pieces heading into 2013 season. But you can't ignore how bad their lines will be. No Jay Ratliff. A limited Anthony Spencer. No Josh Brent. No Nate Livings. Doug Free at a position he's never played. It's ugly. And it's not lost on former Cowboy/ESPN's Darren Woodson: "You have to win in the trenches. That’s the sauce. We can say what we want to say about Dez Bryant and Jason Witten and Miles Austin and Tony Romo but if you’re not winning in the trenches, you’re not winning a championship." Sorry, the Cowboys aren't winning in the trenches this year. And they're not winning a championship.

   *At the beginning of August we were panicky about the Rangers. They were six games back of the A's. In an epic scoring drought. And now? At the beginning of September it's all good. Texas is 19-6 this month and can tie the best month in franchise history by winning Friday and Saturday against the lowly Twins. That the way baseball go. Big series starts Monday afternoon in Oakland.

   *Johnny Goofball's suspension will be shorter than the time you take to read Whitt's End.

   *Hot.

   *Not.

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   *Why are women always so dang cold? Always. Sybil and I are driving to Cowboys Kickoff Luncheon last Wednesday. Temp outside at 11 a.m. was already 92 degrees and my driver's seat was bathed in sunshine. I set our dual temps on 66 degrees. Seconds later, she looks up from her book long enough to drastically, wildly spin her temp control and angle her vents in my direction. Result? While she sat in the shade reading, I was left now with 81-degree air blowing on me, neutralizing my intended, cool breeze. I was soon drenched in both sun, sweat and stress. The most troubling part was the violence of her actions. 81 wasn't her goal, it was just her accidental, inconsequential destination reached via maximum reaction to a temporary problem. She - like all women - is blessed with only two temperature settings. Complaining cold and dosomethingaboutit cold. 66 could've been adjusted to 69, or 70 even. But to crank it to 81 with ... ah, women. If y'all weren't so irresistible it'd be so easy to resist you.

   *Lamar Odom Odor will go down as the fourth-worst acquisition in the history of your Dallas Mavericks, behind only Roy Tarpley, Shawn Bradley and Chris Anstey. He came here, never got in shape, quit and helped ruin a season in which the Mavs were attempting to defend its only title. And now, proving he's one of the biggest assholes in sports, he got arrested on a DUI early this morning near L.A. Good riddance. Can't wait to hear what that squawking Khloe Kardashian has to say now about her precious "Lam Lam." Vomit.

   *Speaking of the Kickoff Luncheon, anything newsy happen? Actually, kinda. Jason Garrett talked Super Bowl. Swear. Heard it with my own ears.

   *Not saying that South Carolina defensive end JaDeveon Clowney is a one-hit wonder, but did you catch his act in last night's opener vs. North Carolina? Dude was a non-factor, and so outta shape that he twice took himself out of the game. Somebody spent the off-season not in the weight room but in front of the TV watching their highlights.

   *Tell me we're not really pondering a bombing of Syria. Syria? No wonder the rest of the world hates us. Nobody likes a bully. Speaking of "war", I read that a wave of bombings killed 26 civilians in Baghdad last Tuesday. So glad we went out of our way to "liberate" that country. Seems like it worked out swimmingly.

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   *After all the positive reaction to buddette Leigh Costa's pic in the latest issue of DFW.com, maybe I should produce a list of My Top 10 Hottest Friends to supplement My Top 10 Hottest Women on Metroplex TV.

   *Dumbest thing in sports is the baseball manager stopping the game to run on the field and argue ... anything. And, furthermore, for it being totally legal. Why? Wednesday night Elvis Andrus got called out for running to 1st out of the running lane. Good call. And here comes Ron Washington. I don't care if he's arguing with the umpire or merely protecting his shortstop from getting ejected, it's silly. Just stay in the dugout, please. And why doesn't first-base coach Dave Anderson protect the player? If he needs "protecting" at all. Baseball fans' answer to my question is, of course, "tradition." If your solution to a problem is to do nothing and invoke "We've always done it that way", it's probably not a solution at all.

   *Eat. Sleep. Rave. Repeat. I'd like that to be my to-do list.

   *Don't know what's more troubling, that 10.06 million viewers watched Miley Cyrus effin' a foam finger during the MTV Video Music Awards, or that 10.07 million people watched A&E's Duck Dynasty and ... whatever it is they do. Not interested.

   *TCU (+5) over LSU. Book it.

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   *As the domination has vanished, the drama has appeared. That's Tiger Woods these days. Last week he went down on all fours supposedly in pain from back spasms. Coincidentally, the fake falldown occurred  after an errant drive. Yet somehow he hit enough good shots to finish ... second. C'mon. We're not that gullible.

   *We're so desperate for feel-good American tennis moments that even the U.S. Open is putting irrational spins on mediocre storylines. James Blake loses in the first round, retires and it's hailed as a "great career." Ranked as high as No. 4 in 2006, but never made it past quarterfinals of any Grand Slam. Sorry, that ain't great. Then there's the first-round upset of former Open champ Samantha Stosur by 17-year-old American qualifier Victoria Duval. She's cute and all, but after she lost in straight sets in the 2nd round the headline blared "American teen's magical run ends." Magical run? The girl won one match. Sheesh.

   *Heard from exactly two people that my old radio partner has resurfaced from his latest disappearance and is - after two months - trying to re-spin his side of the story. Seriously, I pray for the guy. He needs help. And I don't think he'll find it in 24-ounce bottles of Heineken bought at Still On The Corner in Gainesville. But I know for a fact that's where he's looking. Sad.

   *It's only September but I'm warning you now to prepare for the onslaught of JFK Assassination 50th Anniversary crap about to be shoved down your gullet by Nov. 22. This, however, looks pretty dang good: Parkland, the movie.

   *I don't trust drivers of cars missing hubcaps. They generally tend to not be capable of using a turn signal. If you're driving around with a car missing a hubcap and just haven't gotten around to replacing it, I suggest you are lazy, irresponsible and will shortly after reading this go out and casually break one or more traffic laws before the sun sets. In fact, I trust people who text and drive about cars missing hubcaps more than I trust cars without hubcaps.

   *This weekend: Saturday morning is tennis, followed by likely the last pool-party bash of the summer. Will I labor on Labor Day? Tune in to find out. Don't be a stranger.

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Week 1/8.29.13: You Betcha

   I'm starting with a mythical bankroll of $10,000, courtesy of my friends at Bodog sports online casino. First of all, because their site is easy to navigate. More importantly, because they're based in Costa Rica and have had minimal success tracking me down in the past.
   I'll analyze games/wagers of  local interest each weekend and make a pick every Thursday. With any luck, by Christmas it'll be new iPhone 6s for everyone!

   Always loved sports. Almost as much as sports gambling.
   In college I was a tad, shall we say, obsessed. Won thousands. Lost of tens of thousands. Had the bookie threatening to break my legs. Had to paint Dad's house to pay off an emergency "loan." And had more than my money's worth of fun along the way.
   Just ask any of the '80s-circa "entertainers" at Lace in Arlington.
   In fact, if I was given another five free lives, I'd likely risk one of them trying my hand as a professional sports gambler in Las Vegas.
   Which brings us to you.
   I know you bet. It makes sports more interesting. More fun. And I can help.
   Each Thursday I'll scour the college and NFL betting lines and find a winner, free of charge. (If I learned anything through the years it's that the way to win is quality of bets, not quantity.)
   Got one.
   And it sounds crazy, because I'm betting against the SEC.
   TCU plus+5 points against LSU Saturday night at Cowboys Stadium feels really strong. I know, I know. LSU has won 41 consecutive non-conference games. Six SEC teams are ranked ahead of the Big 12's best, Oklahoma State at No. 13. And truth be told, LSU will probably have a bigger crowd in Arlington.
   But here's where the Horned Frogs stay close. TCU picked off 21 passes last year, returns its top five defensive backs and top four tacklers from 2012. Gary Patterson's kids can play defense.
   And LSU can't play offense.
   The Tigers had one of the nation's worst passing offenses last year. Mediocre quarterback Zach Mettenberger returns, but leading rusher Jeremy Hill may not play pending pending discipline for his off-season arrest.
   TCU might win this game, as LSU's vaunted mystique is dissolving right before our eyes.
STARTING BANKROLL: $10,000.
CURRENT BANKROLL: $10,000.
SEASON RECORD: 0-0.
LAST WEEK: 0-0.
THIS WEEK: TCU +5 over LSU, for $1,000.

So In The End Johnny Goofball is Guilty. And Free?

   Johnny Manziel got from Point A to Point B at a rate that suggested he couldn't have possibly traveled any slower than 93 mph.
   There was, however, no radar data of the event.
   Bottom line: Johnny Goofball will sit out a half of football Saturday in a game that he, yep, probably would've played only one half.
   The Aggies will destroy Rice on the opening weekend of college football. Manziel will both throw and run for touchdowns. And the NCAA again looks like damn, hapless fools.

   “NCAA rules are clear that student-athletes may not accept money for items they sign, and based on the information provided by Manziel, that did not happen in this case.”

   I'm going to assume the joint NCAA/A&M release was written with a straight face. Though offering a plea bargain to a suspect guilty only of an "inadvertent violation" is laughable.

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   If the NCAA can't prove he took cash for signing autographs, it shouldn't suspended him at all. Not a play. Not for a half. Not for a second.
   We all know Johnny Goofball was paid. No human with any common sense would spend time signing 4,400 autographs for zero compensation.
   The NCAA says the "punishment" somehow "closes the book" on the Manziel investigation.
   But all of it
   The sacred Aggie Code has been compromised by Manziel's breaking rules and lying to survive.
   But the biggest loser is the NCAA, which has taken another giant step toward total irrelevancy.
   And Johnny Goofball is somehow an accessory to a non-crime.

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"Glory Hole" + "Secret Sauce" = Cowboys' Bitter Disappointment or, Finally, a Happy Meal?

   Two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions – on a sesame-seed bun.

   The year was 1974 and as an impressionable 10-year-old punk I was wide-eyed about fast-food in general and McDonald’s new hamburger in specific. It was a double-decker delight. And it was trumpeted into our lives with the coolest, catchiest theme song on TV. (No, we hadn't yet invented a DVR to skip the ads.)

   Had to have the special sauce. The special sauce made the Big Mac. Everyone in every home on every sandwich attempted to duplicate the special, secret sauce. And now, just like that, the Cowboys have the secret sauce?

   Indeed, at least according to team vice president Stephen Jones, honing his quirky hyperbole in preparation for sooner-than-later filling Dad’s shoes.

   “Obviously we feel like we have a great organization in the Cowboys but we can always be better,” he said. “We look for ways to be better. We do that both on the field and off the field. We’re convinced we’ve got the ‘secret sauce’ to put this thing back together again and win championships.”

   Wait, what the what?!

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   I mean, Dez Bryant is elite and Tony Romo can be spectacular and DeMarco Murray and Sean Lee and DeMarcus Ware and Jason Witten and Monte Kiffin and … C’mon. Secret sauce?

   As you play with the bland appetizer on your plate that is tonight's Cowboys-Texans pre-season finale at AT&T Stadium and prepared to dig into the Cowboys’ 2013 entree, you can’t possibly ignore the recent meals that have left us with a bitter taste in our mouths, if not altogether nauseated or perhaps violently ill.

   Since they won Super Bowl XXX after the ’95 season, the Cowboys are 138-134. Secret sauce?

   In the last 16 years they’ve won exactly one playoff game. Secret sauce?

   They last two seasons they’ve lost NFC East Championship Games and missed the post-season with 8-8 records. Secret sauce?

   Only three NFC teams – Lions, Vikings and Redskins – haven’t been to a Super Bowl more recently than the Cowboys. SECRET SAUCE?

   The Cowboys are in the midst of by far the franchise’s longest championship drought. Secret ... sauce?

   If “secret sauce” is code for “friggin’ desperate”, then I totally dig it and Stephen is right to channel his inner Ronald McDonald. But, it’s got to be one of the strangest rallying cries in all sports history.

   “Just Win, Baby!”

   “Luv Ya Blue!”

   “Orange Crush.”

   “Dirty Bird.”

   “Who Dat?!”

    Last year's Cowboys' motto: "Glory Hole!'
   And, um, “Secret Sauce!”?

   In 2012 – after years of cloaking the recipe in shirt-stained mystery – McDonald’s admitted its sauce wasn’t so special, or secret. The ho-hum ingredients: Mayonnaise, sweet pickle relish, yellow mustard, vinegar, garlic powder, onion powder and paprika.

   Of course at the dawn of the Big Mac 38 years ago the Cowboys weren’t oozing the special sauce either. In ’74 – after nine consecutive post-season appearances – they finished 8-6 … and missed the playoffs.

   Happy Meal, anyone?

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White Truck Wednesday: 8.28.13

   My theory, as most do, began simply as an observation, sparked by an annoyance.

   Driving Metroplex freeways - mainly 75 south from Collin County toward Dallas - I began noticing more and more a certain type of vehicle causing me the most anxiety. The white pickup.

   White trucks riding cars' bumpers, the drivers regularly pounding on their steering wheels for traffic to part for their apparently more important path. White trucks dangerously swerving in and out of congestion, often illegally using the shoulder as their personal passing lane. And white trucks, manned by a single driver, arrogantly and unlawfully using the HOV lane.

   Consider this my weekly ode to white trucks, the most aggressive, dangerous and soulless vehicles on our roadways ...

   Not sure exactly who (or what) Brie Cadman is, but he/she/it is hired. On the spot.
   I get texts and emails and Tweets regularly alerting me to White Truck This or White Truck That. Received a link to Brie's web site last week and an item about vehicles' "tells" totally echoes what I've been chirping about for years.
   According to study at the University of California-Davis, the drivers of white pickups are ... Status-seekers ... Dissatisfied with their lives ... Lower education ...
   Nailed it.
   The full Monty:

   Pickup drivers don't like high-density living situations and are more likely to be dissatisfied with their lives. They tend to be workaholics, have lower education, be full-time employees, have service-related jobs, and be middle-income.

   As for what the color of your vehicle says about you:
   White: status seekers, gregarious
   Black: aggressive personality, rebel
   Silver: cool, calm, may be a loner
   Green: reactive
   Yellow: idealistic
   Blue: introspective, reflective, and cautious
   Red: someone who is full of energy and pizzazz
   Cream: contained and controlled
   I rest my case. Until next week.
   Now on to this week's White Truck Wackiness ...

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   *Man sees a couple arguing and decides to run over the husband in a ... White Truck.
   *64-year-old cyclist hit and killed by a ... White Truck.
   *Drunk driver runs a red light and kills his passenger in a ... White Truck.
   *4-year-old boy killed by rollaway ... White Truck.
   *Driver attempts to break into ATM and then flees police in a ... White Truck.
   Drive safe.

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Jason Garrett: Less Hat; More Power

   Off to the Cowboys' Annual Kick-Off Luncheon at AT&T Stadium today where - I can almost guarantee - there will be no twerking or rump shaking or booty poppin' or ... hats.
   It's indoors. It's formal. And it's becoming normal these days to see Jason Garrett without headwear.
   In Texas, the old saying to identify a fraud goes “Big hat; No cattle.”

   At Valley Ranch, the new slogan to validate a leader is “No hat; More command.”

   In case you haven’t noticed, Garrett this preseason has stopped wearing his trademark topper – hat or visor – on the sideline. But, if you were paying attention last Saturday night at AT&T Stadium, he’s wielding more control than ever.

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   In the wake of the Cowboys’ embarrassing, six-turnover loss to the Raiders the week before, starting running back DeMarco Murray fumbled on the team’s fifth offensive snap. He was promptly benched, replaced by Phillip Tanner and didn’t return to the field until the second half.

   “It can’t happen,” Garrett explained of the fumble. “I don’t care who you are, we can’t have it. DeMarco’s a man. He understands what his role is on this football team. We just felt that was the right thing to do, and he responded exactly how we thought he’d respond. He came back and played hard really well and took care of the rock.”

   Message sent. And received.

   One of the main reasons Garrett has his job is because predecessor Wade Phillips lost control and lacked authority. Garrett promised discipline and accountability. It’s finally sinking in. At least temporarily.

   The head coach yanked Dez Bryant off punt returns last year against the Giants and demoted Doug Free to a part-timer forced to share snaps with backup right tackle Jermey Parnell. But this preseason it’s as though the hat had been handcuffs on Garrett’s power.
   He’s openly criticized players, lambasting rookie B.W. Webb and even ripping Tony Romo for taking a sack to took Dallas out of field-goal position against the Bengals.

   It’s refreshing as it is surprising.

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   Given an off-season in which owner Jerry Jones stripped the head coach of play-calling authority, it would’ve been understandable had Garrett shown up a meeker coach with a hatless head shrunken in confidence and visibly diluted control over his team.

   But, alas, the walk-around coach is a bee-boppin’ leader. At last week’s Silver ‘n Blue practice he sprinted to various drills with energy and enthusiasm, often even imploring the crowd to make noise. Jason Garrett? From calm conservative to chaotic cheerleader?

   The Cowboys may again ultimately be a sloppy 8-8 team. But it won’t be for a lack of effort and a commitment to change by their head coach. And, at least for message on one night, it worked.

   An embarrassed, determined Murray returned for the second half’s first drive and promptly broke four tackles and dove into the end zone on a 7-yard touchdown catch.

   “I wasn’t mad at anyone,” Murray explained Monday at Valley Ranch. “I wasn’t pouting on the sidelines. I wasn’t anything. I was waiting for my opportunity to get back in the game. Once my number was called, I was ready to play. He’s a smart coach, great coach. I’m always going to be behind him. Whatever is best for the team, I’m all for it.”

   Jimmy Johnson famously cut backup running back Curvin Richards after a couple fumbles in the Cowboys’ 1992 regular-season finale. Total authority. Zero tolerance.

   I’m not saying the benching of Murray in August will be Garrett’s signature move as the feared leader of the Cowboys. But – hat or not – it’s a step in the right direction.

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The Top 10 Hottest Women on Dallas/Fort Worth TV

   Miley Cyrus wouldn't make this list.
   Nor her dirty foam finger.
   To be included on my (sorta) annual list of the Top 10 Hottest Women on Dallas/Fort Worth TV candidates must 1) Regularly appear on local TV; 2) Be professionally classy; 3) Be walking-down-the-street smokin' hot.
   Watched MTV's Video Music Awards and Billy Ray's spawn is 0-for-3.
   As you may have already surmised, this isn't a heady post. It's shallow. And sexist. Sue me.
   (My girl Sybil would obviously be on this list. But that would be some sort of conflict of interest, and her guest appearances on KTXD's The Broadcast aren't yet "regular.")
   This list has nothing to do with the experience and deliveries of local TV stalwarts like Campos and Clarice, and everything to do with those that wow us daily on the boob tube with their charisma and, um, charm(s). Ya know, the women that make us stop and watch, no matter what they're gabbing about.
   Yeah, these women ...

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   10. Gina Miller - CBS 11/TXA 21 Sports

   9a. Colleen Coyle - WFAA Weather

   9. Natalie Solis - Fox 4 Anchor/Reporter

   8. Lisa Pineiro - KTXD The Broadcast Host

   7. Adrienne Bankert - CBS 11 Anchor

   6. Meredith Land - NBC 5 Anchor

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   5. Heather Hays - Fox 4 Anchor

   4. Susy Solis - CBS 11 Reporter

   3. Amanda Guerra - NBC 5 Anchor/Reporter

   2. Whitney Drolen - CBS 11 Traffic

   1. Fiona Gorostiza - Fox 4 Good Day Reporter

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Johnny Goofball Denies He Took Money For Autographs. Yeah, Right.

   Sorry, Aggies.
   As most of us have known all along but you've been too stubborn to admit, the Johnny Goofball autograph story isn't merely an erroneous ESPN fabrication that you can simply mute via midnight yell practice. Now CBS is on the story. And now the NCAA is spending six hours questioning the reigning Heisman Trophy winner about whether he took money in exchange for signing autographs.
   That's right, six hours.
   Guarantee it didn't take that long for the conversation to go like this:
   NCAA: Johnny Goofball, er, Football, er, Manziel, did you get paid for signing all those autographs?
   Goofball: Nope.
   NCAA: Okay, we're done here. Carry on.
   As Texas A&M struggles with the risk-reward of playing its quarterback Saturday against Rice in College Station, the vital question remains unanswered. According to CBS, Manziel denied to the NCAA that he accepted cash for his countless signatures.
   Then why?

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   If not for payment, why would a 20-year-old rock star/athlete spend all that time autographing over 4,000 photos and helmets and cleats and jerseys, etc.?
   Just for fun? For some charity that he's yet to identity? Because he's such a good kid?
   C'mon. We're not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but we ain't idiots either.
   You know what I think about Manziel's thorny family tree and you're aware that irregularities in his signed memorabilia can be traced back to 2012 in Dallas. And until proven otherwise I'm sticking to my theory that Nathan Fitch is taking the fall.
   As Goofball's "manager", Uncle Nate will tell the NCAA that he lied, deceived and betrayed his friend about the autographs. That it was him who accepted the money. Sure the memorabilia brokers paid "Johnny," but Nate siphoned all the money. Nate told Johnny he was signing for, um, charity. Yeah that's it, charity. That way Nate broke no laws, A&M isn't culpable and Goofball comes off only as naive, even sympathetic. Goofball and A&M will publicly denounce Uncle Nate but, behind closed doors, the two friends split the loot and laugh all the way to the bank.
   It speaks loudly that, in the wake of the revelations, Fitch has lawyered up and declined numerous interview requests. If there's zero credibility to this story and if Manziel nor Fitch nor A&M did anything wrong or broke any rules, why the silence? Why is Fitch reluctant to talk? Why has A&M AD Eric Hyman issued a gag order on the subject?
   If I'm innocent of a charge, I talk about it openly, freely and immediately. If I'm guilty, I go quiet for a long time planning how the hell to spin the story and get out of trouble.
   Like all college football fans, I want to see Johnny Goofball on the football field, especially Sept. 14 when Alabama visits College Station.
   But I'd also like the question answered. By anyone.
   If Johnny Manziel didn't accept money, then what was his motivation for signing all those autographs?

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Dez Bryant Poised For Greatest Season Ever by a Cowboys' Receiver

   As you send the kids back to school this week, prepare yourself for a history lesson as well.

   Because Dez Bryant is about to embark on the most prolific season ever by a Dallas Cowboys’ receiver. Stuff that in your backpack.

   For a franchise that boasts Hall-of-Famers Bob Hayes and Michael Irvin, ‘70s All-Decade member Drew Pearson and even the productive, petulant Terrell Owens, Bryant’s 2013 season will re-boot the record books.

   Barring injury of course, he’ll break Irvin’s team-record for catches (111 in ’95) and yards (1,603 in ’95), and Terrell Owens’ mark for touchdowns (15 in ’07).

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   Dez hasn’t fully matured as an NFL receiver. But if this preseason has taught us anything, he’s finally reached puberty.

   By December he just might be the best receiver in the league.

   “He’s got that kind of talent, yes,” owner Jerry Jones told us media in the Cowboys’ locker room after their 24-18 victory over the Cincinnati Bengals last Saturday night. “We’re seeing a lot of the things from Dez we thought we would see when we drafted him.”

   For a couple years Dez merely caught the football. He’s now learning there’s much more to playing receiver.
    Route-running. An intricate knowledge of the plays. Sometimes playing defense on poorly thrown passes. Channeling emotions into positive energy rather than distracting sideline outbursts. Removed as a punt returner and beyond the domestic dispute with his mother, jewelry loans, etc. that plagued his Cowboys’ infancy, Dez is now poised to dominate his position more than any other player with a star on his helmet.

   Against the Bengals at AT&T Stadium he was a ‘Boy against boys, catching five passes and a touchdown on a second-quarter drive that provided a glimpse of his potential. Near the goal-line, he merely shrugged off cornerback Dre Kirkpatrick – the 17th overall draft pick in 2012 from Alabama – and nabbed a touchdown like a dad toying with his toddler.

   In a little more than three pre-season quarters (10 series), Dez amassed 13 catches for 183 yards.

   The Cowboys have deficiencies. Dez can take up the slack.

   “I don’t look at it as pressure,” he said after the game. “I always have a high standard for myself. That’s just how it goes. If I put up the numbers, I put them up.”

   To have the best receiving season in Cowboys’ history, Bryant has to average seven catches, 101 yards and one touchdown per game.

   Consider it done.

   Class dismissed.

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Canine Corner: Begley

   After much success with our "RAGE Rescue" program, we've decided to continue helping local pups find homes by featuring more dogs from DFW Rescue Me. We'll call this blog item "Canine Corner", and we'll post an available dog each week. (Last week's entry was Ed.)

  Begley is a two-year-old Shepherd/Greyhound mix (with a touch of Great Dane). He's a very sweet dog, just a little shy when he first meets people. He's already housebroken, crate-trained, and up-to-date on all shots. Begley would do best in an active house, and he'd be great with other dogs.

  To find out how you can adopt this darling doggie, please click here.

Dave Chappelle's Oddball Comeback: More Heat than Humor

   You know how you sometimes go cold turkey on soft drinks or cigarettes or exercise and eventually you forget why you loved it in the first place? Then you finally give in, indulge and ... meh.
   That's what it was like seeing Dave Chappelle in concert Sunday night at Gexa Energy Pavilion Starplex. The memory of Chappelle's former TV show is much funnier than the reality of Chappelle's current stand-up act.
   After walking away from $50 million on Chappelle's Show, getting psychiatric care in South Africa and vanishing for six years, the comedian is re-surfacing as part of the Oddball Comedy & Curiosity Festival. It wasn't exactly Emmitt Smith meandering for a couple yards as an Arizona Cardinal, but neither was it the vintage Chappelle you remember.
   Despite the ho-hum finale, the show - which drew 15,000 to Fair Park - was a hoot.

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   Demetri Martin posed the poignant question, "When you see a sign that says 'Live Nude Girls', do you really need 'Live'?"
   Hannibal Buress created a jibberish rap song that had us all confused, yet boppin' our heads to the beat.
   Kristin Schaal re-visited Flashdance, complete with leg warmers and buckets of water.
   And Flight of the Conchords' Bret and Jemaine gave us deft guitar playing and clever lyrics on memorable tunes like "Business Time."
   Don't get me wrong, Chappelle had some hilarious bits. He went on about Lil' Wayne and "Pussy Juice" and his masturbation images were disturbingly spot-on. And upon seeing several camera phones in the crowd despite the warnings, Chappelle commented,
   "Y'all just don't give a shit, do you? Apparently I'll have a YouTube special coming out. Later tonight."
   But, honestly, the 40-year-old who who we serenaded with "Happy Birthday" made more cracks about the weather than he did funnies. I know it was a typical Texas summer, sultry night, but where Sybil and I sat - Section 203, thanks to Morgan Denton at LiveNation.com - it was relatively pleasant.
   Yet Chappelle - chain-smoking and wearing two shirts, one of them long-sleeved - continued bitching.
   "What if I just fainted and died?" he quipped between dabbing his forehead with a rag. "Right here on this hot stage?"
   In that case, Chappelle's next comeback would be even more difficult than this one.

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Another Reason to Love Dirk Nowitzki

                     
   Flip-flops. A blonde buh-NAN-uh. A disinterested mascot. Mark Followill. And a goofy giant German.
   Imagine the Lakers asking Kobe to do a commercial like this? Yeah, right.

Cowboys 24, Bengals 18 : My Top 10 Whitty Observations

   As is customary, the Cowboys' media representative strolled through the team's locker room at AT&T Stadium Saturday night alerting us dorks with notepads, microphones and cameras to the details of players' impending interviews.
   "Tony Romo," she said - as we all anticipated the usual will be in the interview room in five minutes - "will be in the coaches' office ... on speakerphone."
   Okay ... Wait, what the what?!
   After an impressive pre-season finale in which he threw for two touchdowns in the win over the Bengals, seems the quarterback left the stadium without speaking to the media. And now, to make it right, he was calling in. From his car.
   No biggie. No crime. Just weird. Never in four decades covering covering this team have I enjoyed listening to a player hold his post-game presser via phone.
   While that was surprising, the Cowboys' cuts from 90-75 this week won't be.
   Dallas has to make 13 roster moves before tomorrow. One will be the moving of Tyrone Crawford (who tore his Achilles the first week of training camp) to Injured Reserve. Other names you'll read about but won't miss:
   Receivers Anthony Amos. Jared Green and Eric Rogers. Tight end Colin Cochart. Linebacker Deon Lacey. Kicker Brett Maher. Defensive linemen Jabari Fletcher, Jerome Long and Jason Vega. And, despite his interception to seal Saturday night's win, defensive back Xavier Brewer, along with Jakar Hamilton.
   For my Top 10 Whitty Observations on the game, let's jump over to NBC 5's Blue Star Blog.

WHITT'S END: 8.23.13

      Whether you're at the end of your rope or merely the end of your week, welcome to Whitt's End

   *Congrats to avid reader Robert Candeleria of Fort Worth. By paying attention this week he knew that the winning sentence was "I saw Tony Romo's baby at DFWSportatorium." Took his knowledge to Pollo Campero this morning and now he's got a full belly of free Latin chicken and two tickets to a big sporting event. Very cool.

   *With a loss to the Bengals, the Cowboys (1-2) would clinch a losing record in the preseason for the first time in more than a decade. You heard me. Last time the Cowboys were under .500 in exhibitions was 2001 (2-3), when Dave Campo coached and Quincy Carter handed-off to a fella named Emmitt Smith. Since '02 the Cowboys are 28-16-1 in the preseason, a winning percentage (.622) better than over their last 11 regular seasons (.534). But they had losing pre-season records before all three of their Super Bowl seasons in the '90s. Moral to the story: There is little or no predictive value in the outcomes of NFL pre-season games. If the Cowboys fall to 1-3, shrug.

   *Alerted you about a month ago to a potential fourth 24-hour sports-talk radio station in the Metroplex. Despite the obvious hurdles - it's an AM station in an already crowded market dominated by a ratings-greedy gorilla named The Ticket - apparently plans are still a go. Though the initial Sept. 1 launch date is pushed back. ... In other radio news, I still hear ol' friend Randy Galloway is very open to being bought out of his contract by his new bosses over at The Ticket. His contract runs through December, but he's lame-duck done.

   *Something I bet you thought you'd be saying by now but haven't: "Man, I miss Nelson Cruz." As long as the Rangers play the Astros we can't forget about the steroid slugger.

   *Dig a tad deeper and the three teens that gunned down that college baseball player in Oklahoma weren't merely thrill-seekers, but people filled with evil, hate and gangs. This was a hate-crime, right?

   *How bad of an off-season has it been for Johnny Goofball? From accepting the Heisman Trophy as America's best overall college football player, to now not even considered the best quarterback in his conference. He's second-team pre-season All-SEC, behind Georgia's Aaron Murray. Gig 'Em. Giggle.

   *Hot.

   *Not.

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   *Sean Lee is a badass and a leader. If you listen close enough during practice he will throw out some some obscenity-laced trash talk. And obviously he can make plays all over the field. But, sorry, he isn't yet among the 10 best linebackers in Cowboys' history.

   *Try this bar bet on your buddy: Two Rangers lead MLB in offensive categories. One is Adrian Beltre with 162 hits. The other?  Leonys Martin, with 11 bunt singles. Drink up!

   *I'm sure you know more football than Troy Aikman and Roger Staubach. They've only won five Super Bowls and their legacies reside in Canton. But just in case your mind is cracked even a little bit open, allow me to consolidate my pro-Tony Romo column from last week with another reminder from Captain America at Thursday night's Silver 'n Blue Debut at AT&T Stadium: "If there's a bigger Romo fan in town, I don't know who it is," Staubach told a group of us reporters. "I want to argue with all my negative Romo fans and let them know and tell them how great this guy is. ... He doesn't complain. He doesn't blame it on anybody, but he needs some help up front at times. The running game has got to be better than 31st in the league, but Tony just does his job. He makes plays. He's got a strong arm, and he just does a lot of good things out there only a few quarterbacks in the league can do. ... Tony is a franchise quarterback." Just something to consider next time you irrationally blurt out "Romo is a choker who'll never win." But, then again, I'm sure you know better.

   *Next time you start to groan about being bored by the "same sh*t, different day" job wasting your life, consider Vin Scully. He'll be back at Dodgers' broadcaster next season ... for the 65th year.

   *Last time we saw the Cowboys in Arlington they were losing in overtime to the Saints on Dec. 23. That was almost eight months ago to the day. Feel better or worse about this team today?

   *It's the simple things in life. Sometimes, anyway. This week I enjoyed a cold nectarine during a late-night swim under a full moon. And yesterday I got the best drink in the world: Panera Bread's Iced Green Tea.

   *Caught up with some more old Cowboys this week. There aren't two nicer people on this planet than Amy and Jay Novacek. Super Bowl XXX MVP Larry Brown gave me an NFL prediction: "Watch out for the Chiefs and Rams." The Chiefs, really? And ol' pal Tony Casillas has caught on with an afternoon drive radio show in Oklahoma City, where he still a God. Congrats.

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   *Proud of former 105.3 The Fan Fantasy Girl Shaunda Poster. Once upon a time she was smooching pics of cocky guys at the Greenville Ave. St. Patrick's Day Parade. Now: Pre-game, in-house Cowboys' host at AT&T Stadium. I'd say that's an upgrade, yeah.

   *Hey Fox NBC, we weren't clamoring for English Premier League soccer over here on this side of the pond. Stop shoving it down our throats, lest you become ESPN trying to convince us to care about women's college basketball.

   *Wait, Christian Swingers? What. The. What?! Wonder if they moan "Oh, God!" with each other's partner?

   *How did The Fan not broadcast live from the Silver 'n Blue Debut? I remember back when 105.3 was the official home of the Cowboys.

   *As long as hitters like A-Rod are allowed to wear giant shields of armor on their elbows, pitchers should be allowed to throw inside. And, in the wake of two batters hit in the face Wednesday night - one by Tanner Scheppers - how long until baseball at least ponders protective facemasks on helmets? Considering there are already shields on hockey and football helmets, isn't baseball - again - well behind the curve?

   *Sybil's Our dog Duncan was attacked and bitten at a McKinney dog park yesterday. I don't understand the concept of those places. Aren't they just built for trouble?

   *I'm still learning the nuances of Facebook and Twitter. Not sure I'm ready for Vine. Or, after watching this, maybe I am.

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   *Saw We're The Millers this week. Review: Thumbs up. More than a couple laugh-out-loud moments and one of the most grotesque scrotums you've ever seen portrayed on the big screen. (Gotta be a pretty short list, right?) Also, for 44, Jennifer Aniston has a rockin' stripper body.

   *Normally mild-mannered and very astute CBS 11 sports anchor/Cowboys' radio color analyst  Babe Laufenberg went on a weird rant last Sunday night. Giving his thoughts on the Cowboys' summer transactions of moving to Frisco and teaming with AT&T, Babe said he was "mad" that the city and the telecom giant would give the Cowboys any money in the wake of their sole playoff win over 16 years. Nonsensical on a couple fronts, first and foremost because Jerry Jones doesn't take real kindly to criticism from his own mouthpieces. Ask Dale Hansen and Brad Sham about getting fired for saying less.

   *Toldja there'd be a "Blurred Lines" lawsuit over stolen lyrics. Well, didn't I?

   *Silver 'n Blue tidbits: Maybe it's just me but I think Jason Garrett is embracing a year without the pressure and constraints of being offensive coordinator/play-caller. He was much more animated Thursday night, encouraging the crowd to make noise and running around the field like a colt in a meadow. ... Dan Bailey was booming 53-yard field goals through the uprights and well up the net. We take for granted how good he is ... Rookie cornerback B.W. Webb isn't equipped to be an NFL punt-returner. Fumbled two more ... Receiver Terrance Williams has an impressive glide to his giddy-up. Before the end of the season I think he'll be No. 3 behind Dez and Miles. Sorry, Dwayne Harris.

   *Want good food at a great joint for a fantastic cause? Long-time local musician Nancy "Shaggy" Moore is about to lose her childhood home to the tax man. Help her raise money Sunday 2-6 at Stratos on Northwest Highway.

   *Man that I enormously trust and respect tells me to "cut the whining" for credit on this here blog. I reminded him that my self-promotion helped me earn the attention of NBC 5. That said, I'll take his advise advice into serious consideration.

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   *Several people have alerted me to this and I obviously have no answer. But I think it's telling of CBS management: On its Radio.com App, The Fan's afternoon drive show remains RAGE. SMH with ya.

   *Not sure who authors the blog, LAKisses. But I'm most certain he/she/it is the worst writer in America. The grammar. The spacing. Did I mention the grammar? Seriously, "she kept it nice in short ..." Just atrocious. I was pointed to this site a year ago when it spewed false rumors about Cowboys' offensive lineman "Tyrone" Smith's family. Sorry, zero credibility. It gives people with blogs a bad name.

  *So I let a "friend" borrow - I know, big mistake - $5,000, with 10% interest. Also agreed to work for him for another $1,000. In a week's time (all my work was completed) I was supposed to (it's in writing, signed) have $6,500. That was on May 20. It is now Aug. 23, and I have nothing to show for the deal except a fee I had to pay my bank because a $3,000 check he gave me bounced. Do I: A) Write it off and chalk it up to "my bad"; B) Pursue him in small-claims court; C) Publicly expose him as a thief/liar on this here blog?

   *Weird week for Maria Sharapova. Fires coach Jimmy Connors after one match. Announces she'll change her name to "Sugarpova." And then pulls out of the U.S. Open with an injury. Women.

   *Both my projects now come equipped with new T-Shirts. I'll be giving away DFWSportatorium shirts at our launch party in two weeks - Sept. 7 at Baby Dolls Dallas.

   *You heard it here first: Tim Tebow is going to get cut by the Patriots. Because he sucks.

   *Ben Affleck is the new Batman? Are we really in the market for a new Batman? I think we're pretty saturated with Batman, considering we've already seen Michael Keaton and Val Kilmer and George Clooney and Christian Bale and, of course, Adam West, as Batman.

   *Allow me to issue a pre-emptive apology. If I seem distracted the next two weeks it's because I will be. The U.S. Open starts Monday in New York. Favorite sporting event of the year. And, yes, I'm fully aware that I'm a total dork.

   *If you hated me on the radio, good news! Now I'll be on TV. Started the writing portion of my new gig at NBC 5 last week on Blue Star Blog. And Saturday night around 6:20 I'll join KXAS-Channel 5 anchor Pat Doney on the field for some Cowboys' pre-game back-and-forth.

   *This weekend: Saturday it's tennis in the morning and Bengals-Cowboys at night. Sunday's between the pool and Dave Chappelle. Don't be a stranger.

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