Yeah, I too am jazzed that the Rangers have totally vanquished that seemingly scary 6-game deficit in the AL West in a short, sweet 10 days. But there are more important issues at hand ... Beer fraud.
I like beer.
But I can't stand beer commercials.
They're filled with unfathomably fit bodies supposedly drinking countless coldies, animals who actually behave and are cute in doing so, guys constantly getting hit in the crotch by something or other, and - my biggest pet peeve - lazy-ass mistakes that convey beer companies believe us consumers have zero intelligence and even less attention to detail.
I just know Corona's latest "Hot Sand" commercial cost six-figures to produce. And it's them extending their hand to us. Trust, and enjoy our product. So you'd think the beer company would take a minute or two during final editing to make sure it came out just right. Or at least believable. Right?
Nope.
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First of all, if it's so damn hot that the sand is un-walkable why is the guy wearing a shirt?
Secondly, wouldn't he have noticed the blazing hot path on his way to buy the beer in the first place? As in, one or two steps - "Oh shit this is hot!!" - and make a short retreat to put on some sandals before continuing.
On his way back to beach camp, the :30 commercial is almost -
almost - saved by a quick view of how a striped bikini can accent heaving cleavage. The guy acrobatically avoids the hot sand by stepping on towels and chairs and picnic baskets and shade and surfboards and even a the markings of a sand volleyball court.
And this is where it gets really
good bad.
:22 - As the guy approaches with the bucket o' beer his buddy is seen sitting upright, kinda resting on his left, straight arm.
:24 - Magically - and impossibly quickly - now the same buddy is laying comfortably on his right side, legs outstretched toward the guy who has now arrived with the Corona.
:26 - And now that they're pulling bottles from the bucket, the buddy is suddenly sitting upright again, rubbing his hands together at his impending delight.
That's three drastically different body positions. On the beach. On a towel. On the sand. Try it. I dare ya.
Sit upright and lean on your left arm, then flip and lay on your right side, then jump up again and sit upright. Oh, and do it in four seconds, without looking the least bit disheveled in the process.
Will I still drink Corona? Yep.
Do I trust Corona with the small details? Never.
Now pass me a lime.
I'm halfway with you.
ReplyDelete#1 I love beer
#2 some beer commercials are funny
#3 Beer commercials don't belong on beaches. I'm hazarding a guess that 85% of people that drink Corona don't look anything like anyone on this beach.
#4 They're about to drink their coronoas without pushing the limes down....what the what?
Now about hot sand...took the kids down to San Antonio last weekend. Did Sea World and their water park, Aquatica. At about 4pm when it was 103 degrees, the cement walkways and more importantly, the sand on their beaches, I'm pretty sure were almost hot enough to cook an egg. I escaped sun burn to only be burned on the ever so tender bottoms of my feet. F you hot sand.
Same here about SeaWorld, and Fiesta Texas. We made the grave mistake of taking our shoes off to put them in the locker. Ouch. Only to find out, the tiles on the ground protecting the concrete were HOTTER than the actual concrete.
DeleteFast forward 2 hours later, we had "borrowed" some kids' lifejackets from the bin and McGuyver'd ourselves each a pair of shoes. After waddling down the stairs, I looked up as countless others were doing the same thing.
My feet have never been on fire as much as that day. Sand or concrete in 105 degrees.
"lazy-ass mistakes that convey beer companies believe us consumers have zero intelligence and even less attention to detail."
ReplyDeleteYou drink their shitty beer so they actually are hitting the nail right on the head.