WHITT'S END: 11.26.13

      Whether you're at the end of your coffee, your day, your week or even your rope, welcome to Whitt's End:

   *If nothing else, your Cowboys are the best team in ... America Texas. The Texans began the season 2-0 and are now 2-9. As for the best college team in the state? Still Baylor. Hey, that means our top two teams have each suffered demoralizing road losses of 49-17 this month. Cowboys to the Saints. Bears to Oklahoma State. Woe is football.

   *Mavs aren't quite there yet. Dominated last night on the boards and in quickness by the Denver Nuggets. First home loss of the season. Not a big deal. But their stubborn reliance upon Vince Carter is a big, bad deal. He was 3 of 13 Monday night, including 0 of 4 on 3-pointers. Every time he shoots a jumper, the Mavs' progress and future gets stunted a little more.

   *As sports - and life - reminds us time and again, it can be a short, swift ride from penthouse to outhouse. Right, Robert Griffin III? Or vice-versa. Right, guy-who-won-the-lottery-and-almost-invested-it-all-with-Bernie-Madoff-but-decided-against-it-at-the-last-minute?

   *From the Dept. of Life Ain't Fair: Derrick Rose is out for the season, again with a knee injury. His other knee. Tore the ACL in his left knee in 2012 and sat out the 2013 season. Now he tears a meniscus in his right knee, undergoes surgery and will miss the rest of 2014. He's one of my favorite players. The NBA is a better league with him in it. With two reconstructed knees, you have a sinking feeling he may never again be the player that won MVP in 2011.

   *There was a time when putting up Christmas lights got me in a festive mood. Put on the holiday music and perhaps don a Santa hat and merrily string lights. But these days I've got such a refined system it only takes an hour. Did it Saturday in the cold and rain - sans music - and, sadly, it just felt like a routine chore more than a scene-setting spirit-lifter. Man, getting old sucks.

   *The Reverend Billy Graham is one of the most righteous, holy, good people on this planet. He's been spreading the gospel for 70 years. But, at 95, the evangelist's health is finally fading. Spent two days in a North Carolina hospital last week with respiratory ailments. If I'm God, I miraculously heal Graham and restore his health to a man aged 25. Allow him to live to be 145, if not older. Then non-believers and/or fence-straddlers would say "Whoa, that's badass! I'm gonna live my life more like him!" Perhaps I'm paraphrasing, but you get the point. Graham's the perfect role model, but his chore of turning hearts, minds and souls toward God becomes a tad more difficult if he's not alive.

   *Hot.

   *Not.

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   *Doggoneit! Dead 'n Gone: One of the all-time great animated TV characters. Yep, just like that, poof. Without nary a warning, Family Guy killed off "Brian" last Sunday night. Struck down by a car during a street hockey game. Shocking, because we saw a million scenes in the show where a character suffered a traumatic injury that would normally end them. But in every case before Sunday, we left that scene with them bent and broken and bloody and then - ta-dah! - on to the next scene with them perfectly healthy watching TV on the couch. Nice twist. And now "Brian" is replaced by an Italian dog named "Vinny." While I'm sad at "Brian"'s departure, I'm also impressed that a successful show isn't afraid to voluntarily make a major change. Unless, of course, "Brian"'s contract was up and he was making unfathomable requests and simply had to be shown the doggie door. What a crazy idea, huh? To re-boot and freshen-up a show, you simply change one of the characters instead of simply canceling the entire show. Oh, what am I saying? Nobody in their right mind would kill a show instead of just one character. Right?

   *Bad week to be a Griffin, animated pooch or annihilated quarterback. Last night was the first time in 168 college and pro games that RG3's team didn't score a touchdown.

   *Another reason to hate Dwyane Wade. He's now got this jealous, look-at-me! bit where after games, he gets in the background of interviews and tries to steal the spotlight. Last night Heat TV was interviewing LeBron when Wade started doing cartwheels. Sad. Remember way back when his play garnered attention? (I know the whole team participates in the interviewing bombing, but Wade's are way more annoying.)

   *So how did Sybil spend her "Wintry mix" Monday? Shopping for wedding dresses online. We're getting hitched on the beach in Bora Bora seven weeks from today. Only decision remaining: How often will I blog during the honeymoon?

   *Not a bigger ego on this planet than Kanye West. Seriously, he thinks he's Jesus and Dr. J. and George Clooney and George Bailey all stuffed into one persona. His "move" from Nike to Adidas is supposed to be a thing? He doesn't play sports. Who gives a rat's ass what sports apparel he wears? Dez Bryant's choice? Yeah, interesting. Kanye's choice? Nope. But, of course, HE thinks it's a huge deal. Nike told him "no royalties" because he's not a professional athlete. Kanye's response: "I go to the Garden and go one on NO ONE. I'm a performance athlete." Yeah, and I'm a writing athlete. Where's my free shoes?!

   *You want Bad Santa? You got him. Mr. Claus was arrested and banned from a Massachusetts mall for groping an 18-year-old elf. Rumor is he tried to kiss her under the mistle-'ho. Or perhaps I just made that up.

   *Today? Love me some Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Because we're all on the Island of Misfit Toys, right? But in the spirit of Christmas coming earlier each year, it debuts tonight on CBS. Before Thanksgiving even. Adjust your schedules accordingly Don't be a stranger.

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